Tuesday, August 09, 2005

My cat is watching B. Hills 90210

A strange thing happened while I w'r publishing the prev. Post...

the t.v. was set to channel one and its showing "Beverly hills 90210".....!!!
wait that's not it....

the thing is my "jasmin" is watching the show with devotion....!!!
now how the hell can she relate to the show....?!?!
she doesn't go out, she don't even leave the bedroom....!!!
so the only community she ever has is her adopted "dad" and her rapist husband of her "Dr. Zoidberg" who is actually illiterate and didn't go to any kind of school that cats may go to.....!!!

so I was wondering what if a dialogue from the show had the two cats in it ....
wanna see....

Dr. : so did u have a good day at the beach....?!
jaz: ....?! U some kinda stupid, I don swim, I don know how ta swim, an I don lika swim'n, so stop trip'n hooomy....!!! (gangsta edition of 90210 the Chicago projects)
Dr. : den if ya din go ta beach, we da hell didja go den....?!
jaz: I wen out wid ma friends
Dr. : wa friends, don tell me iz mosa the street cat, an h's hoomies....!!! der bad pr yo reputation girl....!!!
jaz: u not my dady, hs dare read'n him books(points at me reading my "how to kill ur daughters date in 2 sec."), u don own me.... um hah I don see ring in my paw, u see one u com'n tell me, bu till den u don tell ma who da fuck I hanj out wid, comprendee...!!!
Dr. : but dad alwes sed ur ma woman
jaz: yo trip'n now hoomy, ur twice ma age, am no gonna marry an old geezar
Dr. : ba am oly 5 mons old girl wha insulting me like da...?!?!
jaz: u know wat das ur own fault...
2 hours later.... jaz is laying on the floor of the cupboard in the dark licking her bruises... Dr. Zoidberg goes to her...
Dr. :wa happen'd girl, who did dat ta u.....?!?!
jaz: no body....
Dr. : no body, I fuck him up dat sunafabitch I'll ...
jaz: u som kinda stupid, bu u know I wanna da son of a bi.....?!?!?! Hey lay of me am still underage... I don go that way yet....!!!
(zoid berg step off her back with a hard on starts to lick himself)
Dr. : I'll do him for u jaz, but afta I finnish relieving myself.... wanna give me a "hand"

after 2 seconds... on the streets....
the Dr. is heading toward wild gangstas leader "Al-3awar" and his side kick mosa the street cat, along with their crazy 88 (actually unlike the kill bill movie in which the crazy 88 w'r less than 88, this 88 has 238121.4 members in one block)
88 member: yo boss look who came dawn from his castle....!!!
al-3awar: hey.. now bring his greatness a tuna can
Dr. : no need to bring dat I din come here ta ....
mosa: wa....!!! our tuna's na good here fo u now.....?!?! iza't it....?!?!
Dr. : no ur tuna's good (afraid now), bbut I just ate...
al-3awar: so what did u have....?!?! didja have majboos, baryani entertains me hee wouldja....
Dr. : rice....?!?! I don't eat rice, its shatooh feleh manion with Russian caviar...
al-3awar: whatsa caviar
mosa: is fish eggs...
al-3awar: ya meen fish'n egg...?!?!
mosa: no is eggs of fish, remember da small orange balls on da black round thingy with rice in it.... al-3awar: ahhh das it
Dr. : das sushi for crying out loud.....!!! god, how stupid a can u get....?!?!
al-3awar: now u com hee insulting me an for what huh....?!?!
Dr. : yo goon here rape my girl and beat the hell outa hr
al-3awar: who was it....?!?!
no body: it was mee boss... I ws horny as hell , an da bitch looked legal...!!!
al-3awar: hey watch ya language in fron da kittens here don wanna miss dem up...!!!
no body: sorry boss
al-3awar: so what do you want...?!
Dr. : I wan't him to take responsibilities fr hs actions.....
mosa: whaa....!!! lemme cut him boss, right after I hump him an give him the street treat.....!!!
al-3awar: do it but make it quick.....
now all the cats began to moan as mosa neared Dr. Zoidberg to the corner, now out numbered, Dr. Closes his eye prying "dear god I know if I die I wont go to heaven but at least keep here till I get laid.....", mosa shows his rsty claws over docs face "turn'n bend over, o'll I give u ma Bosnian chop" then he leaps with full throttle at doc.....
out of no where a huge leg smacks mosa in the stomach splitting him into parts dashing him to the next wall and splatering blood, cat blood all over the crowd.... Then as they start to run away the same heroic leg along with mirror image identical replica squashes as they step down on the two kittens that wr al-3awar great great great grandsons, now the blood shower rushes every where mean while no body flashes away from the massacre not noticing the Volvo intering the parking space, as the tyre squeezes the life out of him, slowly, moaning with horrible pain his head free from the tyre but jammed due to pressure, his vision is blurry but not on some figure, that figure was watching him, smiling, he knew it, the last thought on "no body" was after his eyes popped out, the last image engraved in his brain, the image of Dr. Zoidberg smiling.... At him.......

the end
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p.s. the legs wr mine.... hehehehehehehehehehehehe

scary ending.... isnt it....?!?!?!
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